21-May-2018 Making it up

 The News You Need

Originally published on Facebook 21-May-2018

• Far out in the Kuiper Belt lies 2015 BP519, an object almost large enough to be a dwarf planet. What’s odd about it is that its orbit is tilted 54 degrees from the plane in which almost all solar system objects lie. Models to produce this orbit require a “Planet Nine” similar to the one suggested by Batygin and Brown two years ago. We are going to find you, Planet Nine.

• While on the topic, 2015 BZ509 is an asteroid that is roughly in Jupiter’s orbit, but it’s “retrograde” – it goes the opposite way around the sun. Scientists attempting to model its orbit conclude that it’s been here 4.5 billion years and originated outside the Solar System. I love this kind of speculation, as long as we remember the words of my made-up neighbor Bob Ray, “They’re just making that up.”

• Speaking of “making it up” you should remember the name Elizabeth Holmes. She started silicon valley firm Theranos at age 19. She was the youngest billionaire in the Valley until the truth about her company’s ZIKA virus tests came out. She was lying to the press, faking test results, lying to her board, and lying to employees. From a lofty market cap of $9 billion, they’ve layed off almost all their workers and are under investigation by every 3-letter agency in the US. Lying, cheating, and stealing are crimes, people. She’s been charged with fraud. They claimed $100 million in 2014 revenue, when they had $100,000. “Oh, look at those extra zeroes! How did that get there?”

• Through 162 minor league games, Tim Tebow has 12 homers. None of his other stats are worth mentioning. He’s 30 now, and … wait. Here’s a great stat: Attendance is up 12% across the league he plays in. Nope, clearly not a PR stunt.

• A Border Patrol cop in Havre Montana (35 miles from the Canadian border) detained two woman at a gas station because while they were in line they spoke Spanish. I’ll paraphrase, “Speaking Spanish is highly unusual around here.” I feel safer, Barney Fife.

• On 15-May police in Loerrach Germany were called out to a domestic dispute, when a neighbor heard shouting. Turned out the 22-year-old man was arguing with his girlfriend’s parrot. “Love me, love my bird.”