Cinco de Mayo 2018

 The News You Need

Cinco de Mayo 2018

• If you’re looking for stories about unhappy people in Washington DC, or sexual misbehavior at work, keep looking. That ain’t news.

• Not only is it Cinco de Mayo, it’s Kentucky Derby Day. The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports meets Big Beer Sales Day. That’s right, it’s not Mexican Independence Day (that's Sept 16). It’s another American fake holiday to sell something. Americans buy more beer today than for St Patricks or the Super Bowl. Nothing wrong with thinking kind thoughts about our neighbors to the south while we are beering! I like Valentine’s and Thanksgiving too.

• I’m ready to build up May 4 as Star Wars Day. At Heathrow yesterday they added flights to Tattooine, Hoth, and Endor. The one to Alderaan was cancelled.

• Rapper Drake is getting a speeding ticket from the NBA. While he supports Toronto, he gets into it with opposing players. I like seeing performers embrace sports teams, like Jack Nicholson and the Lakers. But you’re spectators, not participants. Zip it.

• The US Navy is resurrecting the Second Fleet in the Atlantic. They were deactivated in 2011 to focus on counterinsurgency. Seems kind of chaotic to stand them down and then stand them right back up so soon. Now they’ll be back in the North Atlantic, as we return to a “Great Power” détente with the Russians and the Chinese. This is a sign of a significant change in the US military position. I like détente better than no détente.

• A week ago, a janitor at Incheon Airport in South Korea found 7 gold bars wrapped in newsprint in a trash can there. It’s worth $325 million. With an m. If it’s claimed, he gets 5-20%. If it’s not, he gets it all. If it was used in a crime, he gets nothing. I’m saying he quits that job. He can afford a lawyer good enough to make it happen.

• USA Today says that atmospheric CO2 levels are at their highest in 800,000 years. That’s quite a record. We will break it tomorrow. Both sides in Washington will blame the other, and claim it’s a lie.

• The Mets gave up on Matt Harvey. Is there a team that has had more promising young pitchers and felt more disappointments based on it? They are special fans. TANSTAAPP – There Ain’t No Such Thing as a Pitching Prospect. Let’s raise a Cinco de Mayo cerveza to Mets fans.

• Albert Pujols reached 3000 major league hits, one of only 30-some guys to do that. One of those hits killed the Astros’ Billy Wagner. It may not have landed til yet. Congrats to Prince Albert!

• Gilberto Escamilla worked at a juvie center in San Benito TX. He was recently sentenced to 50 years in prison for stealing $1.2 million worth of fajitas. Be honest, who doesn’t wish they had a million bucks worth of fajitas?