The News You Need

1-June-2018

• In St Lucie County FL a jury awarded $4 to the family of a man killed by police. In 2014 Gregory Hill, 30, was listening to music in his garage. A woman picking up her child at the school across the street called the police because the music was loud and obscene. Long story here, but the short version is that Hill had a gun (unloaded), and the police shot him through his garage door. His mother sued for funeral costs ($11,000) and the pain and suffering of his 3 children. It’s complicated, and likely that the jury misunderstood their instructions, but it sure seems like a terribly unfair outcome. Florida, as it happens, has a law that if a person is drunk or on drugs they can’t get damages. Moral: Be careful playing Drake songs too loudly.

• In New Zealand, police knocked on the door of the home bought five years earlier by Nigel Rothsay. Fortunately for him they weren’t Florida cops. They had raided his neighbor’s home on suspicion of dealing meth, and put a restraining order on the neighbor’s property. That’s when they learned that Rothsay and his neighbor had bought their homes at the same time and the lot numbers of their homes had been mixed up. Rothsay owned the home lived in by his neighbor, and the house Rothsay lived in belonged to Meth Suspect Neighbor. Welcome to bizarro world, Nigel.

• Elon Musk owns 3 businesses: SpaceX, Tesla, and The Boring Company. In February that last company sold 20,000 flamethrowers for $500 each. They’re more like big Bic lighters, with a range of less than 10 feet, but it’s just a bit of silliness all around anyway. Recently the California legislature wanted to require a $425 permit to own one. Opposition was quick and effective. The law now requires a warning label only. Musk has some room to improve in his enterprises, but is a very entertaining CEO when he’s not in a twitter fight.

• Remember Roseanne Barr? The Roseanne reboot was very successful. Then she tweeted something vulgar. Her employer cancelled her show. She later claimed she was under the influence of Ambien. The makers of Ambien deny that racism is a side effect. I am disappointed that ABC undertook a project with her and didn’t have a contingency plan for the inevitable controversy. Moral: Social media missteps can kill a TV show (or a main character) faster than you can say Jack Robinson.

• Remember back when Pluto was a planet? It was demoted in 2006 to a “dwarf planet” because it didn’t “clear its orbit” through gravitational dominance. NOTE: Neither does Earth, or Jupiter. It’s a controversy that continues. Now some scientists are arguing in Icarus that Pluto is a giant comet. Seriously, guys, lay off the little guy. What did Pluto ever do to you? I’d like to point out that a theory like this is just what makes sense at the time. They will change everything someday, just like all the science I ever learned.

• The Texas Declaration of Independence was signed on 2-March-1836 in a place called Washington-on-the-Brazos. They started a 4th of July fireworks display 20 years ago, sponsored by HEB. Now HEB wants to shift the focus to 2-March. Fine, it’s their marketing budget, do what they want, right? Do yourself a favor, never read the internet comments. You’d think that the state park service was involved in human sacrifice. Some people like change. Some people don’t want any.

• A Bronx couple had a problem. They needed to buy perfume and had to break a $100 bill. So William Williams and Michelle Conception bought a $20 lottery ticket. Williams picked a lottery he’d won $700 on once before. When he scratched the ticket, they won $5 million. There is no truth to the rumor that they’ve been asked to sponsor fireworks at Washington-on-the-Brazos.

• A Charleston SC mom was proud of her Summa Cum Laude graduate son. She ordered a cake online to celebrate, and the website replaced the middle word with 3 dashes. She explained it in the comments, but the cake still came out “Summa --- Laude.” Programmers, try not to confuse Latin with slang. It makes you and Publix Supermarkets look nekulturny. Aren’t we past simple word lists and into context now?

Cinco de Mayo 2018

 The News You Need

Cinco de Mayo 2018

• If you’re looking for stories about unhappy people in Washington DC, or sexual misbehavior at work, keep looking. That ain’t news.

• Not only is it Cinco de Mayo, it’s Kentucky Derby Day. The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports meets Big Beer Sales Day. That’s right, it’s not Mexican Independence Day (that's Sept 16). It’s another American fake holiday to sell something. Americans buy more beer today than for St Patricks or the Super Bowl. Nothing wrong with thinking kind thoughts about our neighbors to the south while we are beering! I like Valentine’s and Thanksgiving too.

• I’m ready to build up May 4 as Star Wars Day. At Heathrow yesterday they added flights to Tattooine, Hoth, and Endor. The one to Alderaan was cancelled.

• Rapper Drake is getting a speeding ticket from the NBA. While he supports Toronto, he gets into it with opposing players. I like seeing performers embrace sports teams, like Jack Nicholson and the Lakers. But you’re spectators, not participants. Zip it.

• The US Navy is resurrecting the Second Fleet in the Atlantic. They were deactivated in 2011 to focus on counterinsurgency. Seems kind of chaotic to stand them down and then stand them right back up so soon. Now they’ll be back in the North Atlantic, as we return to a “Great Power” détente with the Russians and the Chinese. This is a sign of a significant change in the US military position. I like détente better than no détente.

• A week ago, a janitor at Incheon Airport in South Korea found 7 gold bars wrapped in newsprint in a trash can there. It’s worth $325 million. With an m. If it’s claimed, he gets 5-20%. If it’s not, he gets it all. If it was used in a crime, he gets nothing. I’m saying he quits that job. He can afford a lawyer good enough to make it happen.

• USA Today says that atmospheric CO2 levels are at their highest in 800,000 years. That’s quite a record. We will break it tomorrow. Both sides in Washington will blame the other, and claim it’s a lie.

• The Mets gave up on Matt Harvey. Is there a team that has had more promising young pitchers and felt more disappointments based on it? They are special fans. TANSTAAPP – There Ain’t No Such Thing as a Pitching Prospect. Let’s raise a Cinco de Mayo cerveza to Mets fans.

• Albert Pujols reached 3000 major league hits, one of only 30-some guys to do that. One of those hits killed the Astros’ Billy Wagner. It may not have landed til yet. Congrats to Prince Albert!

• Gilberto Escamilla worked at a juvie center in San Benito TX. He was recently sentenced to 50 years in prison for stealing $1.2 million worth of fajitas. Be honest, who doesn’t wish they had a million bucks worth of fajitas?

Mother's Day News

 The News You Need

14-May-2018 Mother’s Day Ridiculously Long Edition

• US Jets intercepted two Russian bombers on Friday, about 200 miles from the coast of Alaska. The Russians like to send planes toward other people’s airspace and planes. There have been near-collisions in the Baltic and the Black Seas. I’d like to see the Russians defend that approach on Judge Judy.

• In 1908 Anna Jarvis wanted to honor her mother’s work with Civil War vets, and promoted mother’s day. In 1914 the second Sunday in May was designated as Mother’s Day by Congress.

• In 1920 Anna Jarvis begged husbands and children to stop buying cards and candy because the vendors were “charlatans, bandits, pirates, racketeers, kidnappers and termites.” She didn't say anything about construction paper and Elmer's glue.

• In 2013 The Atlantic published an article saying that “Mother’s Day has become to moms what Christmas is to kids: A perversion of the simple joy of honoring loved ones.” In my view, families can easily un-pervert the day and share some appreciation together.

 The News You Need

14-July-2018

• Georgia Duffy has a small bookshop in Harrowgate. She had a bad Monday recently, and tweeted that she only got 12 pounds that day. It went viral. It was retweeted 4000 times. She got lots of orders. Why? Because instead of asking for sympathy or charity, she just asked people to buy a book or a card to support a small business. She typically sells 12 books a day, and a week later sold 70 books on Tuesday alone. Ms Duffy had to scramble to get her Paypal set up. She’s on twitter @ImaginedThings.

• The US Navy sent out the carrier USS Essex with F35’s on it. But no press release. Looks like a change in emphasis from “show the flag” to more traditional military operations. EDITORIAL COMMENT: I’d like to see our “freedom of navigation” operations such as challenges to China’s territorial claims in the China Sea handled quietly and diplomatically, as opposed to through the media. Send a destroyer through, back it up with a polite note from the ambassador, and stay ready.

• PC sales have declined for years. But in the 2nd quarter, they grew by 1 or 2 percent. This is partly due to a refresh cycle by businesses, but the “Big 5” of HP, Lenovo, Dell, Acer, and Apple are giddy. EDITORIAL NOTE: This is a generation gap. I live in a laptop, millennials live in smartphones.

• An NBA player named Jimmy Butler turned down a 4-year extension from the Minnesota Timberwolves. $110 million, and he said no. Why? Because if he plays another season he can get 4 years and $140 mil from another team, or 5 and $187 mil from the T-Wolves. EDITORIAL NOTE: It’s risky to walk away from $100 million. You could buy lots of PC’s with that. My family would slap me silly for turning it down. The NBA is officially playing with monopoly money now. And no, I have no idea who Mr Butler is.

• Last September the IceCube observatory in Antarctica detected a rare event. A neutrino crashed into the ice. Each second, trillions of neutrinos pass through your body at nearly the speed of light, without any interaction at all. Earth gets them from the sun, but also from black holes and supernovae. And interactions are rare. They checked with NASA’s Fermi telescope for sources, and they now suspect a galaxy 3.7 billion light years away. EDITORIAL COMMENT: That’s … wicked far. I have worked with people that don’t create a detectable impact and I called them Neutrino Man.

• Sergeant Randy Thumann of Fayette County TX made a routine traffic stop of a Tahoe on I-10. The occupants’ stories conflicted, so he asked permission to search the vehicle. His K-9 partner sniffed narcotics. There was a compartment in the fuel tank containing 60 kilos of meth. Some Mexican exporter is out $6 million. EDITORIAL NOTE: I don’t see how domestic meth producers can compete with these imports. Does anyone know how to get a tariff put on this stuff?

• Yesterday around 4pm a woman was found dead at the Cinco Ranch Walgreens in Katy TX. The engine was running. Last week two people were found around 11am in a similar situation in downtown Brenham TX. It turned out to be due to carbon monoxide. If you’re going to spend a lot of time in the car, not moving, with the windows closed and the AC on during these hot summer days a leak might put too much CO into the cabin. Think about cracking the windows and be alert to signs of drowsiness in the middle of the day. EDITORIAL NOTE: I could fall asleep any time, no CO needed.

• An unopened bottle of liquid coffeemate (we like cinnamon vanilla cream) will last for 2 years unrefrigerated. It’s a good idea to shake it before you open it. After opening, they say to use it within 14 days if unrefrigerated. You only need to swirl it a bit after opening, stirred not shaken. Why not refrigerate it? Because cold creamer in hot coffee makes warm coffee! Why refrigerate it? Because it will last longer, up to and 5-7 days past the “use by” date. We haven’t had a bottle last 14 days in … ever. EDITORIAL NOTE: Many people avoid synthetic and processed foods and drinks. I can say with confidence that drinking liquid coffeemate has never caused anything weird to happen to me. Nothing at all. Nope. Never. Not ever.

• Yesterday in Harrow Borough, England a panicked woman called 999 (the UK version of 9-1-1) to report a burglar downstairs in her house. The 5-0 rolled up and found a “rogue squirrel” downstairs making a mess. The squirrel was questioned and released without arrest. EDITORIAL NOTE: In the US we would have used an AR-15 on that rat.

• Tim and Angel Wilson of Gainesville FL put a GoPro camera on their dog for a special perspective on their wedding. While honeymooning in Venice FL there was a paddleboating mishap and the camera was lost. Almost a year passed. Jeff Heim was snorkeling in Venice FL and found a GoPro camera under the water. Having lost 3 GoPro’s himself, he went to some effort to reunite the owners with the photos he found on the memory card. He tweeted a couple of the photos, with a #GoPro tag. That company picked up on it and in a short time Tim and Angel got their pictures back. EDITORIAL NOTE: No mention of the dog but I’m sure it’s safe.

• BOTTOM LINE: Ask nicely when you need help, crack the windows in an idling car, take the $110 million if you like living in Minnesota, make your own choice about refrigerating coffeemate, help other people by buying books and returning lost photos, and don't be a neutrino. This is the path to a wonderful life.

Who Can You Trust

 The News You Need

06-July-2018

• On 2-July, Japan lost a World Cup soccer match. They left their dressing room spotless. That shouldn’t be news, but there you go.

• The Secret Service checked 85 locations in 21 states, and found skimmers on gas pumps at 59 of them. These clever crooks buy a key to open tIhe pump, put a device in that siphons off the data related to your charge card while the pump is making the connection for the charge, and then Bluetooth the data to another internet-connected device. The scammers print a new credit card and start shopping. You might think about using cash, or paying inside the store. A prepaid debit or gift card might do the trick? Who can you trust?

• Scott Pruitt has resigned as EPA Administrator. He’s been involved in a number of scandals where his greed was truly petty, such as his housing arrangements, travel arrangements, favors for his family. I saw a claim that the EPA blocked warnings on a cancer-causing chemical … EDITORIAL COMMENT: Rome isn’t dead, it would seem. People disregard those EPA warnings anyway. When Wilbur Ross resigns as Sec of Commerce I’ll be pleased. There’s a chance that the entire cabinet turns over by the 2-year mark of this administration. Who can you trust?

• We recently discussed the impact of tariffs and international trade. Today I read that China says we have started the “biggest trade war in history.” Whether you think that 1947 average tariffs were 40% like Wikipedia says, or 22% as some people argue, they were 5% in 1995, thanks to GATT. EDITORIAL COMMENT: It might be like wanting a unicorn, but I like free and fair trade.

• The Fourth of July is a common time to consider the Statue of Liberty. The US Post Office used a stock image of Lady Liberty on a Forever Stamp. They printed 3 billion of them, made $70 million in profit, retiring the stamp in 2014. Turns out it’s not an image of the Statue of Liberty, but rather it's an image of a statue at a resort hotel in Las Vegas. The sculptor won $3.5 million when he sued the USPS for copyright infringement. EDITORIAL COMMENT: The government made millions selling a fake stamp containing stolen intellectual property, while the REAL statue is in the public domain. Who can you trust?

• We spoke recently about people calling the cops on black people. Janice Bynum is a member of the Oregon House of Representatives, who happens to be black. Recently she was going door to door speaking to voters about her reelection bid, and someone called 911 saying that a black woman was typing a lot on her phone in the driveways of people who weren’t home. The cops came, sorted it out, and everyone came out of this incident smiling. Their uptake? Talk to people, don’t assume that you know their intent.

• 1 in 5 children between 6 and 19 is obese, triple the rate from the 1970s. I’m thinking it’s gov’t subsidized corn syrup, but the LA Times reports a study showing that children are 75% less likely to be obese if their moms do 5 things. Exercise, maintain healthy weight, eat right, avoid excessive alcohol, and avoid smoking. EDITORIAL COMMENT: Hmm, I might be right about the corn syrup.

• Spiders can fly thousands of miles, using a silk balloon. Darwin found them landing in mid-ocean in 1832. Some of them can go 3 miles high. Recent experiments show that they use static electricity to take off. EDITORIAL COMMENT: Flying is really cool. I wish I could fly, but not badly enough to extrude a balloon from my rear and charge it with electricity.

Peace out. And look for people you can trust.

21-May-2018 Making it up

 The News You Need

Originally published on Facebook 21-May-2018

• Far out in the Kuiper Belt lies 2015 BP519, an object almost large enough to be a dwarf planet. What’s odd about it is that its orbit is tilted 54 degrees from the plane in which almost all solar system objects lie. Models to produce this orbit require a “Planet Nine” similar to the one suggested by Batygin and Brown two years ago. We are going to find you, Planet Nine.

• While on the topic, 2015 BZ509 is an asteroid that is roughly in Jupiter’s orbit, but it’s “retrograde” – it goes the opposite way around the sun. Scientists attempting to model its orbit conclude that it’s been here 4.5 billion years and originated outside the Solar System. I love this kind of speculation, as long as we remember the words of my made-up neighbor Bob Ray, “They’re just making that up.”

• Speaking of “making it up” you should remember the name Elizabeth Holmes. She started silicon valley firm Theranos at age 19. She was the youngest billionaire in the Valley until the truth about her company’s ZIKA virus tests came out. She was lying to the press, faking test results, lying to her board, and lying to employees. From a lofty market cap of $9 billion, they’ve layed off almost all their workers and are under investigation by every 3-letter agency in the US. Lying, cheating, and stealing are crimes, people. She’s been charged with fraud. They claimed $100 million in 2014 revenue, when they had $100,000. “Oh, look at those extra zeroes! How did that get there?”

• Through 162 minor league games, Tim Tebow has 12 homers. None of his other stats are worth mentioning. He’s 30 now, and … wait. Here’s a great stat: Attendance is up 12% across the league he plays in. Nope, clearly not a PR stunt.

• A Border Patrol cop in Havre Montana (35 miles from the Canadian border) detained two woman at a gas station because while they were in line they spoke Spanish. I’ll paraphrase, “Speaking Spanish is highly unusual around here.” I feel safer, Barney Fife.

• On 15-May police in Loerrach Germany were called out to a domestic dispute, when a neighbor heard shouting. Turned out the 22-year-old man was arguing with his girlfriend’s parrot. “Love me, love my bird.”